There's something about you. I don't quite know what. You ruined my life, but yet I want you to do it again. I miss you so much, even now. I know I shouldn't, I should of moved on. I can't though. More importantly I don't want too. You say things to me sometimes, and I hear it in your voice, you forget yourself for a second, I hear that tenderness, you forget the hurt, and mistrust, and for that split second, it isn't about what happened, what we have been through, it's about you and me and the way we make each other feel. Just them shared laughs, and things only we understand, and it's nice, that plain and simple. No other words to describe it, it's nice. When talking to you I'm at my most comfortable, it doesn't feel forced in the slightest, it's the most natural thing in the world. To talk about my problems, to share my worries, you was my friend before anything, and I won't forget that. I know, however much you dislike me at the moment, there is a part of you that cares about me, and wants me to be okay, however much that maybe irritate you.
You know what I want more than anything? For you to hug me. That would be so nice. To feel safe in your arms, like nothing else matters. Just you and me. I wanted to tell you a few times. Tell you I wanted a hug. I was scared though. Scared of you telling me that you hated me. That you didn't like me. That things will never be the same again. A part of me knows that's the case. That things between us will never be the same again. That we will never have that special something. I will never hear you tell me how lovely you think I am again. That you will never feel that urge to want to kiss and hug me again. I know this. Yet still a part of me hopes. Because that's what I want more than anything. I messed up. I hurt you, and I didn't mean too. I didn't intend to do it, and sorry just doesn't cover it, I know that. I just don't know what else to say.
When faced with losing the best thing that ever happened to you, words just don't seem to cover it. When you feel like your heart is breaking every second of every day. When you are the last thing I want to think about, yet I can't seem to think of anything else. When I know you hate me, yet I still love you. When everything else just seemed so pointless. I wanted to think I would be okay without you. I'm a strong lass. I don't need anyone. I thought I would be like you. Upset for a while, but I'd get over it. I really believed that. At first I did feel okay. There is only so long you can fake that for though. That you're doing okay. That you no longer exist. It doesn't last for long though. As time went on, it didn't get easier. I didn't close my heart off from you. I didn't move on. I just wanted you. All the annoying things, all the times you infuriated me, your burping, and dj voice, and blah blah blah, without it, you wouldn't be you. That's all I want, you.
You ruined my life. Not like I'm a drama queen, or anything. As you know. You did though. You showed me what life could be like, you showed me how good I could feel, what finding what someone special was like. What finding my soulmate was like, and then it was taken away. Okay, maybe I am a drama queen, you know what I mean though. I never thought I would feel hurt like this though. I honestly never believed anyone would get to me like you have. I just didn't think it was possible. Yet as you have proved on may occasions, I can be wrong. I wish you still didn't make me feel like this. That after spending time with you, I didn't have this little high. Like I was walking on air. Because I know you will just bring me crashing down to earth. That you will tell me that you hate me. I broke my own heart. How much does that suck.
I wasn't going to write this, but I thought I should say a few things, I can't actually say to you. I want you. I'm sorry. I love you. Also, you are god. I forgot what else you was.....gay? No no...that wasn't it. You're immortal. Yes, you're hard, and ummm....yes. You're not a hillbilly. You don't sound like a woman. Honest. Hehe. Okay, I'm not going to ruin this. You know what hurts me most? When you say you never believed I loved you. At one point I would of questioned my love for you. I thought I was being foolish. I know how I feel, and I know how you make me feel, and that feeling is love. Foolish or not. I love you. i love you still....even though it's wrong.maybe im crazy....yes i am!i love you still......my honey.my kikoy...you know who you are.....i wish i could tell you all this.